In an ideal world, I’d like to think that I’m important. Infact, I’d love to feel I mean something. Not to someone necessarily. But to mean something in general. It always seems to me that we place so much emphasis on how much the world needs us. How many things wouldn’t be the way they are if it wasn’t for us. But the world without us, would still be. Life has no meaning. I mean. There’s no universal purpose for us. Does a baby who didn’t manage to touch ground on earth have the same purpose as me. Do the blind have the same purpose in life as those who can see. Do those that are born sick have the same purpose as the healthy? What is life’s purpose? We are free to create our own meaning. In a world where we are forced to labour and forced to engage in meaningless company just so we can get by. We sure did pick the wrong meaning didn’t we. I mean, have you ever just focused for a second. Focus is a very strong cognitive process. Watch what others focus on. Phones, women, accidents. It seems we can’t keep our eyes away from what we want most. Where our focus lies. Sometimes I focus and wonder if someone is focused on watching me focused! What people want the most, they gravitate towards. Its that simple. It’s near impossible to not spot a guy who likes a woman. Their eyes can’t help but gaze towards. Their body is shaped towards them. Their nervousness can be seen with no real effort. If you focus you can find out so much.
We live in a hustling culture, where people just can’t stop working. They want to make as much money as possible. Isn’t it funny how it seems they never get there. They never reach their end goal! Why’s this? Because there is none. The end goal doesn’t exist. Once you make 1, you want 2, then 3, and so on. We have such large appetites that we’re never content. What does all this count for? The most precious things have a visible time limit on them.
Kelly was a 16-year-old sophomore at High School. She was known for her love of animals, particularly horses. Those who knew her described her as a kind, gentle, and creative soul. An aspiring songwriter and author who wrote poems and stories based on her experiences in life. Most of her stories ended happily ever after. Kelly, a vibrant teenager with a thirst for life, was eagerly learning to drive. She had big dreams, like landing a job at a day care centre and saving up for her own car, a Mustang or a Corvette, she hadn't quite decided. The freedom of the open road beckoned, promising trips back home to Phoenix or exciting adventures beyond. When she wasn't behind the wheel, Kelly could often be found lost in a book, particularly those with tales of vampires. But her true passion lay in writing; she dreamed of becoming a published author and poured her heart into countless writing contests. That was her purpose. On the 20th of April 1999, Kelly was shot by two teenagers at her high school, in one of the worst school shootings recorded. Kelly never got to live her purpose. She was a newcomer to Littleton, and her family's roots in the community were shallow. This weighed heavily on her parents' minds as they grappled with their grief. A priest, sensing their anxiety, confided in them a fear that no one would attend Kelly's funeral. It was a heartbreaking prospect, a lonely farewell for a young life cut short. In a gesture of compassion and shared sorrow, Tom, another grieving parent, hesitantly agreed to a joint funeral. It was a way to ensure that neither child would be mourned in solitude, a small comfort in the face of immense tragedy. It always seems to me, the two evil monsters that committed the fatal shootings, lived out their purpose. To destroy. Life has its many paradoxes. One of them being that to grant that an individual’s life purpose can be good. You must grant that another’s can also be morally bad. This is the paradox of purpose. We seem to be missing something. Kelly’s story has always stuck out to me. The innocence, the shyness, the loneliness. Makes you wonder. I’ve always had a problem with so called good people, as I’ll explain later on in the book. You see. None of us fall in either category. We float along the middle. Waiting to be tested. Waiting for a button to be pushed. Suffering is a great example of this. Are you doing all you can to help those that are suffering. With the money in your pocket, do you stop and give every time you see the homeless, do you skip the TV when you see an advert asking for your donations, are charities doing all they can to help? You see, to be good, you must be altruistic. There is no benefit for you, if you’re a good person. You are good at a loss to your wellbeing. The same applies to love. Do you love someone for what they can do for you, or do you love them for who you met them as.
Now, as much as I hate to talk about bad people. Let’s revisit the shooters. What was their purpose? It’s not what you think. It was a distorted expression of deeper needs or desires. Their need to feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel seen, caused them to do that. Now, I’m sure you don’t think so because they’re evil. Yes, that’s true. The way in which they carried out their attempts to feel loved, seen and wanted was evil. We judge others by their actions (as we should) rather than their intentions, but we always seem to judge ourselves by our intentions rather than our actions. This rhetoric is obviously problematic, but I am challenging you to think. One commonly cited statistic is that it takes an average of 7 attempts for a victim to leave an abusive relationship for good. This highlights the cyclical nature of abuse and the challenges of leaving. Now listen, to understand, not to criticise. I wonder whether some who abuse their partners are “madly” in love. Madly being the key word here. In love, nonetheless. I often think lots of victims can also sense that which is why they stay. They shouldn’t. When I was around 16 years old. Still in secondary school.
Knifes were rampant. As in the use of them. Knifes have always been rampant! There was this kid that used to tease me, repeatedly. Now he was no bigger than me (not even close). I also doubt he was stronger than me. However, his reputation seemed to precede mine. By a margin. He was willing to do, what I was not. And that was to harm me. A large percentage of female altercations reaches its peak verbally. It’s not quite the same with males. I had a small knife in with me, handed to me by a friend. It was just my luck that my anger whitened, at the correct time. For around 30 seconds or so. I felt my body moving closer to him. My fists clenched with a knife inside, My heart pacing. I have felt this rage a few times in my life, who is this person? I wanted to feel respected. I have a right to feel like that right? You see, my actions nearly matched my intentions. I never was respected by him. To this day. In this modern world, it takes 10 seconds to ruin your whole life and reputation. I would’ve been drawn into a life of crime had it not been for my emotional intelligence. Yay me lol.
To be creative is one of the greatest traits one can have. Just like a baby boy is a new creation. So is every single time a musician picks up their pen. An artist picks up their paintbrush. The author grabs the laptop. You’re bringing something new into the world. A new thing that’s strong enough to change a perception. The wind would keep blowing. The sun would still rise and set. The moon would still flaunt itself, without our watchful eyes. So how important are we. Well, we are important to each other. It’s about what we value in another person. For most men, it’s all about femininity. This isn’t an easy word to describe. Not least because people have a fear of trying to describe it due to the current “woke “nature of the world. Nevertheless, it’s placed very highly in the list of what males would love in a partner. I very often worry about the idea of love. Love is about how someone makes you feel. Love doesn’t mean what we think it does. It’s purely transactional. Take a lady for example, who has been courted by a wealthy, masculine, romantic man (normal right!). You’d then ask the question, what changed from the moment they laid eyes on each other, to the moments in which they had constant arguments and finally to the moment they finally divorced and went their separate ways. Did the love fade? Of course! Love is all about how someone makes you feel. It’s mostly transactional. Once the better half stops making you feel a certain way, you stop loving them. Simple, right. How can you go from loving someone so much to despising the idea of even seeing them.
I often watch videos or read stories about couples who have stayed together for as long as you can imagine. Have you ever listened to the way in which they talk about how they love their partner. They stop talking about their smile, their aura, their personality. It’s all about their loyalty at that point.
I love music. Music makes you feel a certain way. It doesn’t attempt to take from you. Not in the least. This is the case with art. Its main purpose is to give. When I sit down and attempt to write a record. I first think of the point I’m trying to get across. Then write from that standpoint. I’ll be. so glad when the sun goes down. I aint all that sleepy but, I wanna lie down. Now slavery was no joke. I stay away from discussing things I have no clue about. I don’t know a lot about slavery, but I know just how much it affected the body, mindset, the families. Thinking about it I should know more. We take a lot of things for granted. Where was God when the whips were being lashed and the families were being tormented, the women raped, the babies unkept. Was he watching? Would a good God look down and permit this, even with his ability to cease it from happening. The characteristics of God is almost always downplayed. Which is why I annoyingly often stop talking about God. The pious can’t comprehend that God has absolute power with everything. He can do anything. Yes, literally anything. Now, what does this mean? He can stop things from happening. He can shut the whole world down if he wanted to. He is in control. Next time you debate or have a word with the devout, don’t let them get away with saying that God can’t or won’t, or shouldn’t do something. God did not pass down his itinerary. If he wanted to he would. Empathetic people have a hard time going through life. We often cry looking at what others would see as mundane. We end up in terrible depressive states, not because of our own situation, but just by observing others situation. I mean, just think about being a black man, forced to do manual labour for nothing. Forced to be subservient to a white man. Unable to live the life you truly want. Continuously being beaten and mocked. Think about it. Now pretend you are him. You would faint. I mean the idea in itself is horrific. But these are the realities. Around the world billions of people are living in minds not fit for a human and in conditions not fit for a pig. Are you one of them. What God do they pray to. The same one you do. Are you better than them? They better find their own. To me, the material world is figuratively non-existent. The world occurs in your mind. How you think creates how you feel. You can pretend to think you are happy. Happiness will flow through your body. We tend to think illogically during most situations.
Rebecca has gone for a job interview at a well-established company. She’s turned down for the role. You and I both know its unlikely this will be the only role she can apply for. Yet, she feels down. This in turn translates into poor actions and decision making. It’s all a change of thought. That’s all it is. Of course, I’m not expecting this to be the one stop solution to a more fruitful life. It’s a start though. Now assuming that God is the creator of the world. Please understand. A creator doesn’t need to be good. It doesn’t need to be fair. We don’t decide what characteristics it has. The only thing the creator needs to possess is the ability to create. Does God have a sense of humour? Religion has gone as far as to pretend there is such a thing as blasphemy. Let’s dive. If someone desecrates a picture of Waheguru. Is that blasphemous. What if they didn’t deem it to be important. How about speaking badly of the devil. Is that permissible. Why? Some sects of satanists would deem that as blasphemous. We find ourselves in tricky waters here. Satan is not all evil. God is not all good. Both do good and bad things. Logically speaking. The Christian God killed approximately 25 million people in the Bible. Logically speaking killing is bad. Now we’ve established that, the devil is not the antithesis to God. They are merely two powerful agents. Have you ever asked yourself why God doesn’t kill the devil? If the world is supposed to get rid of him and not follow his path. Why didn’t God stop the devil. Kill Him. Stop him from making this so-called path. There must be something we’re missing. Now I’m not the devil’s advocate. I’m merely attempting to be his spokesperson. The lights are on. Its time to dance. The lights are off, its time to work. Every story needs its antagonist and its protagonist. The hero and the villain. The good and the bad. At which point, one overcomes. This world is still a mix of the two. God isn’t winning. Is this a battle? We face these problems every day. The devil created God, I think. The devil in us. "You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy!" This is taken from Scarface and speaks to the hypocrisy in the good to point fingers at the bad. When we all have a piece of each.
The most important thing we can do is to give. A parasite constantly takes, you can’t be a parasite. A baby grows, they don’t stay babies, they can’t constantly take. It messes up the worlds order, if you keep taking, you’re messing it up. Give. Particularly to those with little. It makes all the difference. Time, money, resources, wisdom. A child’s best friend is someone that constantly looks after them and makes them laugh. A dog’s best friend is their owner who feeds them and looks after them. Addictions give a sense of pleasure. Whether right or wrong. Give willingly. It’s good. I have a deep affection and admiration for the little ones and the old ones. I think both groups of people have an extremely unique perspective on life. The latter because they’ve lived it and know it. They have the experience. Experience counts for a lot. I once visited an old lady. To give her some gifts. Very cheap, inexpensive gifts. You’d say it’s the thought that counts. But I didn’t think. Regardless, I sat with her for 2 or so hours. At which point, it dawned on me. The time I spent with her was the most valuable thing I could’ve given her. Granted, I spent most of my time listening. I didn’t challenge her on anything she said. Why? She spoke about most of her beliefs. Some of which I didn’t agree with. But I never had a thought of challenging her. In fact, it made me appreciate her even more.
It’s inevitable that humans look for answers even where there are none to be found. I don’t believe there is an answer for everything, and if there is, its none of our business. Our curiosity to find out everything, will inevitably lead to our downfall. If there is a spiritual world. The spirits should hang out by themselves. If there are aliens, they should occupy their own space and attend to their own needs. We are mere humans. We don’t seem to understand how different these “aliens” are. The unknown is what it is. It should be left unknown. To spend time with the elderly is to understand that there is no race against time. Life is not a race. Time will be going on. Races end and they give you your stop time. Your life ends and the world keeps going on. To spend time with the elderly is to understand that money doesn’t purchase anything, it temporarily rents it. A rich man doesn’t take his cars with him after death. His watches will be sold or melted down. His house will be barren or occupied by another. His wife will be long gone. To spend time with the elderly is to understand that words are futile, they mean next to nothing. What you almost did you didn’t do. As you walk past a homeless woman and whisper to yourself how sad it is to see her in such a position. How much you really want to give her some change. Her day is based on whether you do. Your thoughts do nothing for her. Neither do your words. To spend time with the elderly is to understand the most precious things have a time limit on them. To spend time with the elderly is to understand that what you sow, you can reap later. I’m often bamboozled when I see the elderly who live by themselves. They’re hardly mobile. I question whether they’re able to cook for themselves, who sits and talks with them, what company they have, what they spend their day doing. It’s extremely sad.
I’ve always scared myself. In multiple ways. I’ll explain the others later. One of them is my pickiness with words, phrases and descriptions. It may be a result of overanalysing women’s responses! Regardless, to fall is described to “move from a higher to a lower level, typically rapidly and without control” or “(of a person) lose one's balance and collapse”. Do any of these descriptions seem voluntary to you? Me, no. How does one fall out of love then? Do they crawl back up from where they fell. That sure seems more voluntary and conscious. Sure, seems as if there’s a hurry to get out. The will is stronger. Men aren’t capable of commitment as it relates to women. Women aren’t capable of love as it relates to men. Feel free to tune out but listen. I question whether those anomalies to those statements have been socially conditioned. A woman treats you based on how much value she perceives you as having. A man is known to lust after pretty, willing women and would take any sensible opportunity to make her a mating partner. If our bodies work differently, why wouldn’t our minds? If you’re somewhat of an avid reader. I’m sure you’ve heard some of this rhetoric elsewhere. You may pass it off as just 21st century nonsense. Lets delve into it. My favourite movie ever is Pretty Woman starring Julia Roberts. I’ve always pretended as if I’m unsure as to why I like that movie. Two parts. I feel the plot is something I could engage in, in real life. The spontaneity, the thrill, the chase. The plot seems lifelike, at least to me anyway. Turning the bad into the good. Secondly, I think the hotel setting creates a warm feeling for me. As many sitcoms have with their stage setting. The hotel/home is the perfect place to unwind after a long day of life’s trials and tribulations. It makes me think. Is there a safe space for me in the world. One that I always return to? One that makes me feel warm and safe. Do I look for that in a person? If I never change my physical safe space, will it always feel safe for me? Humans constantly change so is it wrong to look for that in a partner. In primary school when we would sit on the mat for reading time, movie time or just to chill out. I would always fight for the middle spot. It feels so cosy, the middle spot. Everyone is around you. You’re safe. You’re warm. These feelings wouldn’t change if I sat there today. At that point. It makes you question all these relationships. Are they transactional too? At 25, I sat down and thought whether I want to have kids or not. I quickly concluded the answer was a resounding no. I then questioned why, again I concluded. Wars, famine, danger, disability, heartache, my inability to support consistently, lack of finances etc. This list could go on, but you get my point. I wouldn’t let my dog off of the leash in the middle of a busy road. Do we realise the type of world we’re raising our children in? Let me guess. Your legacy is extremely important to you and you want to pass down something for your kids. No, it’s that you want children so you can give them all the things you didn’t have in your childhood. Silly me, then it must be that you just want something cute to cuddle every night, someone cute to look at, to pinch their cheeks. Notice how all of these reasons are transactional. It’s all about us. It’s mostly our ego’s that are bruised when someone questions our honesty or morality. To those who are willing to put their pride and ego aside in search of truth. That would be the best approach.
It’s important that in a world of yin and yang, of good and bad, of ugly and beautiful that the latter never wins. To achieve this, you need two parts to yourself. This is what I call the inside you and the outside you. The inside you doesn’t show on your face, nor your body. Hell, even a lie detector couldn’t get the inside you. The outside you, which has been tormented by the media and the outside world is easy to get on with. Now sometimes you may have to bring both to the forefront. A police officer must be bad to catch bad people. To catch a liar. You may have to pretend you don’t know, that’s a lie. The world will chew you up if you don’t know which you to show at the correct time. And it may not spit you back out. In moments of embarrassment, I used to think about this concept a lot. To the world you are just a body and a face. When embarrassed, everyone only gets to see my face and my body. Yes! As sad as my face would be and as sweaty as my palms are and as shaky as my hands are. It’s much better than what’s happening inside. I’m glad they don’t get to see that! Is that not a blessing? People would refer to this as the soul. I would love to use another word. But that should suffice for now. The soul is obviously existent in the spiritual world. What’s the spiritual world. Well, just like the inside me you can’t see. The spiritual world, you can’t see too. That’s fine. I’m sure you can feel it. Those are two different senses.
Kids are extremely smart. Amazingly smart, that it’s surprisingly scary. They have a simple approach to the most complex of ideas. Is this because they haven’t been brainwashed? Is it their lack of responsibilities that encourages their right to speak freely? The late and great Dick Gregory spoke an anecdote in one of his many potent yet obscure speeches. A father and his little daughter walked down the street. The little girl saw a billboard with the words “Ten most wanted fugitives” along with 10 passport like photos of different men and asked the father, “father, I don’t understand. Why are these men wanted? The father responded “sweet, it’s because they’ve been very naughty so the police must put the faces as large as they can. So, everyone could find them”. Well, “father” the kid said “I still don’t understand. Why are there faces there?” Primitively, the father thus responded “we need to find them! Otherwise, they’ll cause more trouble?”. “Well, why didn’t they get them when they were having their pictures taken”? Now, understandably as adults, if you are. Or should I say, as now conscious and fully aware beings. We would pass this off and say that the police or the FBI didn’t take their pictures. That’s fine, but would you look at the board and asked who did? It seems, because of our social conditioning, we accept things are done fairly and morally. Purely based on the way the media makes us understand what conspires. Without the first-hand account of anything, we have to base our understanding and our view on the world, purely on what we’ve been told. There are so many things that we grant as true, that we’ve been told is true, by someone who was told that is true, and so on and so forth. Now, I hear you ask. Well, what can be done about this? Not much in the sense, if we don’t want to be socially awkward, thus squandering our chances of living a meaningfully comfortable life. But, in your mind, challenge everything you hear.
School, a common workplace, hotel, anywhere that people frequent, has its fair share of politics. What makes you think big corporations have none? In fact, due to the nature of big corp, the politics is even worse. More money, more women, more drugs, more hell. The more you have of a bad thing, the more you can get. The more you have of a good thing, the more you can accrue. Understand the phrase, more money more problems, doesn’t mean you have more problems getting money. It’s more so what comes with it. What I just described is referred to as the Matthew effect. Attributed to Matthew in the Bible and the phrase taken from (Matthew 25:29). The bible has enough wisdom to promote great understanding in some verses. As it should! It’s the most popular literature of all time! Thirty-three-year-old Rachel has a good job. The company she works for has now folded and she’s forced to leave. She loses her job first as we’ve established. Because of this, she struggles to pay her bills. She’s then charged interest on top of the debt she currently has by her utility providers, by not being able to pay her bills on time, her mental health starts to deteriorate. She has to now provide very small meals for her two children. The father of her children has now absconded because he doesn’t want to deal with Rachel’s temperamental behaviour. Need I go on? Things have all gone from worse to worse for Rachel. Does this work the other way you ask. Well CEO, Tom, has taken his Fortune 500 company from a competitor to having a major monopoly in his market. He has earned £300,000,000 from his previous tax year. Due to his recent super successes. He’s invited to award shows, he has multiple requests asking for his presence at red carpets and major events, (he pay’s less tax!), he has his pick of his women. Need I go on? The initial trigger could be death, disability, mental struggles. Take your pick. This is not all about money. This is about how quickly your life could be turned around!
Here's what Dick Gregory mentioned in one of his infamous speeches. One day his mother sat him down and told him a story about Jesus. Unaware about what the moral teaching was this time. Young Dick sat and listened. His mother started. “One day a little boy was looking for Jesus in his neighbourhood. He quickly gave up and went home. While home. A family friend came to the door to deliver oranges to the boy’s family, The boy took it and closed the door. The door was knocked again and this time it was a beggar asking for some money, the little boy closed the door suddenly on the beggar. The door knocked yet another time. This time it was a lovely old lady coming to visit the house, she was a family friend. Irate that he couldn’t find Jesus the boy got angry and cursed Jesus.” “Dick, why did the boy curse?” Mother asked? “Because he couldn’t find Jesus I think” “But he did see Jesus” Mother said “He didn’t, mother. It was the family friend with oranges, beggar with no money and the old lady, another family friend” “The boy saw Jesus 3 different times” “Are you sure?” Dick and I never understood that story. Should we? I have a story. Very similar but based on this same principle. My girlfriend called me and said she’d be coming to see me so we can spend some time alone together at the house in the afternoon for a few hours. I heard a knock. It was a delivery driver, coming to give me my package of football boots I ordered the previous day. I received the delivery and closed the door. Second knock came, I opened the door. It was my food delivery that I ordered. I was hungry. I took my food and closed the door. The third knock, excited me. I ran to the door to open; it was dark outside. Must be my girlfriend. It was just some boys playing knock down ginger! I closed the door and went to bed, cross. At which point my girlfriend called my phone and thanked me so much for the time we spent together, she said she loved it. I was confused. Whatever you do, please pleas use your emotional intelligence to avoid being tricked. Become more aware, and open up your third eye.
A twenty something year old man was looking for his car keys. He said he figured it was lost at the party as he couldn’t have left it anywhere else. He scoured the whole party dancefloor looking for these keys. He went as far as to ruffle up some boys at the party who he’d accused of taking his phone. He finally settled and called his mum to explain the situation. He phoned his mum. His mum said, “Daniel, you don’t drive”.
What’s the point of these little anecdotes? You see, we can’t poeticise these things. I often ask. Who’s looking for me?
This natural world doesn’t deal in fairness, It’s random. As arrogant as I am. I humble myself to the world and question why people value themselves so much. Beauty is great, when you have it. It’ll pass. Love is great, when you’re valued, it’ll pass. Sex is amazing, when you’re having it, the memory doesn’t do much. Money is super, when you’re spending it. Memories don’t seem to do much for me. It makes you remember happier times. If memories would suffice, then why do addictions exist. Why does a crack user constantly chase crack. Was all the crack he had already not enough for him? You can’t win against Father time; he will catch up to all of us in the end. Mother nature has her rules, you don’t enter without following them. These apply to all of us. None of us are exempt from it. I think most people that are depressed are realist. They see the world for what it is. If I don’t know my mother, then when she inevitably passes, I don’t mourn her loss. If I have no friends, I won’t experience betrayal. Its not so much that having these people in your life can’t bring about extreme joy. It’s just often they also end in extreme lows. If you weigh it up. I think I understand them. I don’t believe in the concept of right and wrong. There is however clearly what’s socially acceptable and what’s not. We cannot get our morality from God. Not least the Christian God. I think the strongest argument on this would be the Euthyphro Dilemma. Is something good because God commands it, or does God command it because it's good? This philosophical dilemma challenges the idea of God as the source of morality. If something is good simply because God says so, then morality becomes arbitrary. If God commands it because it's inherently good, then there's a standard of goodness independent of God. You can’t have it both ways. Take suffering for example. Something good humans attempt to rid of everyday. Would an all loving (emphasis on all) God create a world such as this. All refers to the whole. In this case 100 percent. Is this world 100 percent good? You could counteract this and say. But hey! Humans have freewill. If Adam and eve didn’t “sin” would there be free will? These are basic arguments I’m making but potent ones, nonetheless. Figuratively speaking, if I created the world, as a good god. The world wouldn’t even have a smidgen of evil. I think human beings have a terrible fear of death. That when dawned upon, deeply saddens us. This is the main reason for beliefs. That and their ability to comfort.
When I was in secondary school. I had an acquaintance. His father wasn’t around. He was quieter than others I would meet at that age. It always felt from looking at him. That he was looking for something. Now, when looking for something. You’ll either find that thing or something very similar that can fill that gaping hole. He suddenly turned extremely religious, and I wasn’t at all surprised. The placebo effect is a fascinating phenomenon where a person experiences a genuine improvement in their physical or mental health after receiving a treatment that has no inherent therapeutic value. I feel this on most days. As a man, when a woman speaks nicely of me. My whole day is spent with a pep in my step. But have I stopped to think whether those words said were fleeting? They could’ve been said in jest. I think religious people suffer a lot from this. Any feeling, ecstasy, perceived understanding is now suddenly attributed to what they believe. A man walked into the lotto store, purchased a scratch card, scratched it and won. Ecstatically, he ran out of the shop in jubilation. Ran unto the street and was hit by a car. He did pass. Now what contributed to his death. Money, the car, the scratchcard? I’m not too sure. It was something though, wasn’t it. He placed a lot of value in something, that completely made him unaware of the dangers of the natural world. It is the natural world, isn’t it? Human beings are part of nature, are we not? Cars are a product of human evolution and ingenuity, which are themselves natural processes. Dreams I had. I had a dream in my house one time. Which I thought was extremely real, mind you. I woke up, my eyes opened. I looked up. There was a man (I think) on top of me. Now, I remember he was wearing the colour white. He had a helmet on that was the colour white, but with a black see through visor. Like what motorbike riders would wear. I could really feel the weight of him on me. He reached to his side. Like a jouster. He pulled a black gun out from the side of his white trousers and pointed the gun at me and fired into my chest. Now, I saw the bullets enter my skin. It left a black coloured, tennis ball sized hole. I felt the shots. But not in the way you’d think. They didn’t hurt. They just felt. Like a hole. Whilst I was being shot. I questioned why I wasn’t scared. I really wasn’t. I still question to this day why I wasn’t. It was supposed to be an extremely scary experience, that I genuinely thought was real. In that moment. I didn’t think about myself. I thought about what others would think about what had transpired. Very unselfish. I know. We live for other people. Most of what I wear has been social proofed, what music I listen to has been deemed cool, the women I fancy are based on the beauty standards the world sets, the way I act in public is such that it doesn’t make me come across weird. People always ask me, tell me about yourself. I respond and say, no. You tell me once you know me. I don’t even know myself. Should I say I’m the most caring, loving, handsome? To find out who someone really is. You have to see what they do when no ones watching. When they have no one to show off to. You’d be surprised what you find out. Take a look at yourself and ask yourself. What’s something that this person doesn’t know about me, that they’d be shocked to find out? Then think about that vice versa.
Many people’s guilty pleasure is anything related to crime. Documentaries, movies, books etc. I won’t say I don’t understand it. But surely this is an inspiration to certain people. I’m sure Dahmer is a role model for some sick, twisted individual out there. Nonetheless, you can use these case studies to find out what not to do. My guilty, not so much a pleasure is researching missing people and people that have committed suicide. Suicide because it speaks to a part in me that understands why they would do that. I’m so sorry to say (not). I understand why people commit suicide. Now suicide is fascinating, because most people don’t see it coming. The friends and family, I mean. Well, even if said person is sad. You just can’t imagine them hurting themselves to leave early. It doesn’t make sense to you. Be glad. Its not supposed to. It’s a deep hole that cannot be filled with anything. I used to think all suicidal people could be OK, they just needed something from the world that they didn’t have yet. It’s not true. Sadness chases them, and it’s very quick. Most of us have a safe place. They don’t. I love telling the story of the man and the gun. In short. A man had a gun, ready to pull the trigger and kill himself. A genie appeared and was ready to give the man anything he wanted. The man, unknowing of what he really wanted asked for 1 million pounds. Granted. Money came. He then asked for his pick of any women. Granted. Women came. He then asked for a mansion. Granted. Living in a mansion. The genie asked, “anything else?”. The man said “no all good! Thanks! I’m more than happy now”. As soon as the genie left, what did the man do? Now certain things are inevitable. This is one of them. The natural world cannot heal wounds that pierce the heart. Not all stories end well. I view myself as nihilistic. The world appears meaningless. People suffer for no reason. I’d understand if there was a purpose to life, like an end goal. In football the team that scores the most goals wins the match. So the aim is to get the ball in the back of the net as many times. Money is attained based on the value you provide. Not necessarily how hard you work. If the latter was the case. Single mothers with multiple jobs, who do domestic, labouring jobs, would be at the top of the chain, financially. We know this isn’t the case. The wealthy are good at delegating, streamlining, planning, organising and reviewing amongst other things. This itself comes at a cost. Trust. To be successful or to live a purposeful life, you have to put your trust in something. There is one big problem I always see with peoples unfounded respect for the wealthy. They seem to trust them. Now, listen. I’m not saying their method won’t work for you. But do you know the type of things you have to do to attain that level of wealth. Do you know the mindset you need to have. The wealthy exploit the poor. This is common knowledge and frankly common sense. Are you willing to do the same? If the answer is yes. Your life would’ve been totally different by now. Every time you walk outside is an opportunity to exploit another.
I sometimes wonder why the religious pray. They say humans have freewill and God cannot intervene in human problems. When we pray are we not asking God to intervene? If the prayer is successful, we praise God forever and thank him for his blessings. If not, we just chalk it down to God working in “mysterious ways”. This indicates a huge problem. Does God pick and choose. Do we have freewill. Is God evil? God can’t win both ways. Can he? Innately, we have a fear of death. I once sat for 20 minutes and thought about this. How we go back to black in death, there’s nothing there, we’re unaware of our fate. We cease. At this point I nearly believed. Clearly that would be the wrong reason to believe. Fear doesn’t allow you to be yourself. It encourages bad decisions. It disrupts your thought processes. It takes over your body. Why should I believe because of my fear. Now out of all the millions of Gods human beings have created and worship. Which one should I believe. Not all can be true of course as most of them contradict each other. There can also only be one true God. The word should tell you that. God is all powerful, so there can only be one. When younger I was taught that Jay Z was working with the dark side. Until I got older and realised how powerful some of the sentiments in his music are. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t see the idealised version of people. But what I do see is enough to let me know that If you don’t search for the truth, you wont find it in other peoples words.
Muhammad Ali, who is probably one of my favourite humans to exist was not perfect. At one point, he was the most hated man in the west. What changed? I love
What is the dark world. Why are words like this. Evil just needs itself a D and you’ve got devil. God needs an O and you’ve got good. Angels are seen as good and are white. Devils are seen as bad and are black. To blackmail is not a good thing. A blackout is not either. If I blacklist you, I stop your progress. The dark side is “not somewhere you want to go”. The term "black sheep" refers to someone who is different or doesn't fit in. To "whitewash" something means to cover. A bright future is an expression that suggests a positive and promising outlook. Keeping someone in the dark means withholding information from someone, often with negative implications.
Arrogance. I love arrogant people
Africa.